Chris Parkes

Nicks & Scratches

There My Love Goes

There my love goes out that door again now; on she walks poised will this be the end?  You didn't say that you did love me even if it hurt or say that you did need me when it meant the most.  I didn't cry, you made me lie, you made me hide my pain inside, but I died you wet the flames I took the blame and went insane.  Remember when we shared a love so deep and alive?  Don't you wish we could go back for another day?  I can see all the wasted kisses that I gave to you and the shallow hugs I thought were true and the loveless sex we'd never do.    There my love goes; I'm tired of feeling lonely.  The truth I don't know, if she'll even miss me.  Wait a minute there's one last thing I want to say to you. Just take this pain.  Why this change, am I not the man you wanted?  I'm the same, is there something more he offers?  Heartless wench my love you never knew.  ...and I say... Vengeance will help you learn.  Truth is it's time you burn through.   I didn't cry, you made me lie, you made me hide my pain inside, but I died you wet the flames I took the blame and went insane.  Remember when we shared a love so deep and alive?  Don't you wish we could go back for another day?  I can see all the wasted kisses that I gave to you and the shallow hugs I thought were true and the loveless sex we'd never do.  Wait a minute there's one last thing I want to say to you. Just take this pain away from me!


It’s Just Hard

You’re the friend that I have never had.  Mixed emotions that I never knew…they were you.  …All the bad dreams that you kept away.  All the pain that people said you brought, you were not.  Help me find love again, please...love again, please.  Times when I thought that our end was near, but I held on ‘til I lost your heart; we’re apart.  Now I wonder what we ever had, what I felt might not have been so real, was it real?  Help me find love again, please...love again, please.  Frankly I have been a bit misled, misunderstood, and misconstrued my head.  All that I’ve learned is that it’s hard; it’s so hard, very hard.  (Oh, please don’t go; oh please don‘t go.) Oh, please don’t go my girl you’re the one who once made my shadow.  Oh, please don’t go you’re the light to remove my worries.  Why can’t good days last?  Oh, reminiscing in my past and how it’s gone and… Now I sit and try to hear my heart.  It’s just hard I’m getting through each day; find a way.  Where from here I haven’t found the clue.  This day lives, but might not hold me fast; will it last?  Help me find love again, please...love again, please.  Frankly I have been a bit misled, misunderstood, and misconstrued my head.  All that I’ve learned is that it’s hard; it’s so hard, very hard. 


You’re To Blame*

Cloudy skies start my morning rise and sunlight never hits my eyes.  Dark as night the days are.   Cold and wet my pillow.  Restless winds are blowing.  Trying hard to stay alive; my life is such a waste of time and you’re to blame…you’re to blame.  Sleepless nights start my everyday and dark rings never leave my eyes.  All alone my days speak to the world I’m lonely.  Tired of fighting for the lied of dream that never comes.  I know I’ve tried my best, because you’re to blame.  All the tears I’ve cried.  Now I ask, for what?  It seems that I can see again.  All your thoughtless vows, it’s a daze I could not leave, but now I’m here.  I’m scared I could fall back inside.  Lost beneath my skin and ruminate in pain.  Times I thought that we were through, but what I could not see was the truth.  And I’ve grown so weak, so chapped my mind.  Surrender all my hopes to my resent.  (Weak inside.  Weak alive.)  And I drop my head, no self-respect.  Abuse myself ’til all that’s left is gone.  (What you gain is all the blame.)  Maybe now somehow I’m free.  Maybe somehow I’m free.  It’s not temporary; I have changed.  No more cloudy skies, awake, but sane.  No more drugs to help forget your name.  ’Cus you’re to blame for my pain.  Live in shame!  You're to blame; I place the blame. 


She’s In Your Head

Cut your life along your vein until you find you’re a bit insane.  Look beside yourself, it’s then you find you’re all alone in bed…She’s in your head.  No one can take that away from you.  You will find she has ruined you.  Fight her strong, for you know that she’s gone.  It’s time you change your mood.  Now believe and tell yourself it’s all right.  Time will heal such wounds.  (Help, help, help,…) You write your book of sadness and no one buys a page.  Pop some pills sedate your mind.  Look what she’s done to you.  What can I say to you to make understand that it’s within your hands?  She’s in your head.  You sit and watch all that they do, and think to kill them brings a better view.  It’s then you change your mind; you think there comes a time when you suppress your rage.  You have become the nightmare of your own devise.  (You’ve become your own fear.)  And you must reclaim the spirit that you left behind with her.  (So sad) can’t remember when you felt a (warm hand) someone there to lift your chin up.  Now she’s gone.  (Thoughts of failure) nothing’s lost it’s best she left you.  (Nights of anguish) never was a match from heaven.  Take some time to think this good and through, it’s then you find that it’s all-true.  You think life has gone to waste ‘cus, sitting in your pity world you try to understand how this all came undone (how this all came undone).  You built yourself a shrine of pain, photographs of days that you’ll never have again (that you’ll never have again).  Thoughtlessly you fall; you give your soul and all to that whore.  Here we are again, down and out of friends; you begin to cry.  She’s in your head.  No one can take that away from you.  You will find she has ruined you.  Fight her strong for you know that she’s gone.  It’s time you just move on.


You Think You’ve Been So Kind*

I think it’s time you know how you’ve hurt me through the years.  You ask me what you’ve done; I ask if you really care.  You think I’ve held a grudge; well it’s not quite like that.  I kept my silence long enough; you confused my child mind.  The truth was left untold, until I could not turn away.  It raped me from within; how it hurt the one I love.  All the times I’ve asked for guidance and you didn’t lend a hand.  Trapped I felt around myself, but you didn’t give a damn.  What was I to do when you didn’t help me?  I thought a friend was supposed to care.  Must have hurt your foolish pride.  You think you’ve been so kind, always done what’s right, never hurt no one.  Your son is hurt like no one else has ever done.  I had nowhere to go.  No place I’d feel safe.  Did you see my pain is deep it consumed my everyday and held me down?  All those years with no words… it’s like we had a conversation with our scarce communication.  What’s the use of trying when you didn’t care?  You don’t care.  All those days I’d wake up… and I’d hope this day’s my last breath with you.  Maybe my one death would show you.  Why the fuck you’d put me through this anyway?  You act as if I’m dead and you push my corpse aside.  When you see me you’re ashamed, can’t carry on your name.  You think I’ve held a grudge, well it’s not quite like that.  I kept my silence long enough; you confused my child mind.  You think you’ve been so kind, always done what’s right, never hurt no one.  Your son is hurt like no one else has ever done.  I had nowhere to go.  No place I’d feel safe.  Did you see my pain is fucking deep it consumes my everyday and holds me down?


Dear John*

Dear John, I want you to know I’m sincere.  Nothing else would make me happier than to know you’re doing well.  You’re in deep, so young you were taken by greed, all of it’s lies and it’s emptiness.  I want just to show you need help.  Lost in life you try so hard to see.  Shallow in image you show us all how to hide from the demons within your mind.  I’ve been there before in the delusion, intrusion, ruminous power of darkness.  Dysfunction is in our blood!  Dear John, I’m here now to help you regain what you have gave to this bloody game.  John, the time’s come for a change.  There once was a time when you played your own game, no rules, but your own you’d break.  Your heart was robust and with it such trust, you gave to your friends your love.  So, what happened to all that love?  Your dove’s wings they ripped and you lost your grip.  I know you can hear my voice.  So, please come back to me.  You’ll see how blind you are.  It’s then you’ll find how long you’ve hurt us all.  Fighting emotion your hungry ambition is all now, that you have left to show.  Now it’s time to change from the ego directed and greed that’s connected to you.  You’ll thank me in the… End this useless addiction you’ve lived, too many times it’s hurt you Jon.  I won’t give up ‘til you are well.  Oh, John.     



I Doubt

My days are counted, thoughts of suicide.  Where to go, all I want is to hide.  All the years I’ve been holding on.  What’s the loss no one would see I’m gone.  Oh, you know it’s true.  There’s nothing you can do.  And all you say is there’s nothing wrong with me.  I see through all your lies.  If you knew, why’d you close your eyes?  Oh, you know I’m right; someone turned on my light.  Up and down I'm barely sane and I don’t even know my name.  I can’t explain the reason for such pain…why me?  But the way I really feel inside is something that I won’t let out.  If you’ve felt this way you’d empathize- I‘m sure, but I doubt you’ve ever cared.  


I Need You (Tell Me What To Do)

I give my love, all my times for you.  All I ask is for the chance that you'll love me.  I need you so bad, tell me what to do, tell me what to do.  Don't you know you drive me mad?  Don't you know you make me high?  Do you feel this way I do?  Please, just let me hear the truth.  I need you so bad, tell me what to, tell me what to do.  Still I wait; I save my heart for you.  I'd give my life; do what it takes for you to love me.  I need you so bad, tell me what to do, tell me what to do. 


Just How Sick I Am

How easy it would be to end my own life, to stop this damn disease.  How nice it could become with such a simple tug, a gunshot through my head.  But for some reason I don't want to go, it just goes to show just how sick I...  But sometimes I can't escape, there's not enough strength, the strength I need to live.  But for some reason I don't want to go, it just goes to show just how sick I, just how sick I, just how sick I... can't seem to shake my deadly cravings to waste my time in life, I can't seem to stop.  Too much thought and no time to sit and not.  How'd I get this way and how can I change?  All I want this time is to make it work; I'll give my all and hope I don't fall like yesterday.  Yesterday I fell.  Yesterday I fell.  I can't play games when every year I get behind.  It's such a bind when I get lost within my mind.  And sometimes I close my eyes to desensorize and forget all that's gone astray.  But for some reason I don't want to go, it just goes to show just how sick I am.  (Just how sick I am)


I Think I'm In Love

I think I’m in love, how else can I explain these feelings?  The burning; the longing to see you; the pain and the loss when you're gone.  Please don't turn your head and leave me on my own.  Oh, how I want you.  …A kiss to embrace you.  The need grows more the longer I can't be with you.  I think I'm in love, what else would cause such hopeful feelings, (hopeful feelings) and tears that don't seem to have reason and days that don't seem to have flaws (days without flaws).  Please don't turn your head and leave me on my own.  Oh, how I want you.  …A kiss to embrace you.  The need grows more the longer I can't be with you.  You fill my dreams; you make me smile.  How else can I tell you how I...?  What can I do to make you see?  I don't want to risk our friendship in the least.  Of all the other times I've been down this road before, you'd think I'd understand that I can't keep asking for what I can not have.  It's not quite that easy to me; it's not quite that easy to me (I can't be without you).  You help me up when things get rough.  You understand all of the pain I cannot seem to shake away.  You light that dark filled room inside.  I think I'm in love!  I think I'm in love!


Not Gone From My Heart

I feel so low down, so put down and still care of what you have to say though feeling so gray.  Look at your picture and cry again.  Stop this pain of what I thought I had, but found I was wrong.  You think that you’re gone out of my heart.  I can say you’re not, still got a spot.  I love you my friend.  I’m planning on going, going on.  I’m planning on going, going on.  At least for the day I’ll walk the other way, try to get back on living my life my way.  Tell me what we had, and what you said is that "Our love is real and won’t die," it’s all making me cry.  You think that you’re gone out of my heart.  I can say you’re not, still got a spot.  I love you my friend.  (I can’t love you, I want to)  Please take my heart, that’s all I have.  Please take my heart, that’s all I have.  (I want you now!)   


Something Good to Hold On To

And though I’ve been in love before I never knew I’d love you more.  They say I need a heart to love, but I can love and do all right.  I only need you love (only need your love).  Something good to hold on to.  I only need you love (only need your love).  Something good to hold on to.  Trust is hard to come by now, I always give it out too soon.  You know I love you baby, everything you do for me.  I only need you love (only need your love).  Something good to hold on to.  I only need you love (only need your love).  Something good to hold on to.  Every time I look into your eyes I see my future looking back at me…and it’s nice ‘cus you’re there.  Every time I look into your eyes I see my future looking back at me and you’re there.  At night I’d dream the day would come when all my hopes would unveil the sun.  I only need you love (only need your love).  Something good to hold on to.  I only need you love (only need your love).  Something good to hold on to.


Make it Easy On Us*

Weak in the knees you fall, breakdown from all the tension of measuring up to fill someone’s pride, hoping to hide to keep them appeased and away.  And what do you gain?  This distress, this strain it brings you such pain.  Oh, such a game, just playing their game of pain.  My mind’s full of voices of un-thought out choices.  Your winds busted through and I fell down.  Make it easy on me.  Make it easy on me.  Which of your words speaks of the truth and why do I feel it’s for your pride?  It’s time that you look and see that I’m alive.  It’s time that you think not knowing what I want.  And if you can’t it’s probably that you’re just confused yourselves.  Tight in the chest you breathe, forsaken of all your senses.  Trying to feel through your own hands and understand what it is that you need.  But they just intrude and tell you out crude of how you should be, but you can’t see or feel free their way.  Laughter of torture and torture for laughter; her pain is so deep I cry her tears.  Make it easy on her.  Make it easy on her.  All the abuse that she has faced gives her a strength that you can’t break.  It’s time that you give some half of what you take.  It’s time that you creed "She’s young she’ll make mistakes."  And if you can’t she’ll turn her back and make up for how you’ve lacked.  I bet it’s hard to take after all these years of love, adoration, and countless tears and you learn that your not as good as you thought you’d be.  It hurts like hell, oh, I know!  I bet it’s hard to feel the love; the pain is deep within a picture frame.  And you plea and you beg, but your son is away again.  It burns your tongue; it’s been too long.  Just some acknowledgment just may have made it all okay.  Who’s to say what we did was wrong?  I'd do it all again!  It’s time that you look and see that we’re alive.  It’s time that you think not knowing what we want.  And if you can’t it’s probably that your just confused yourselves.


There’s More to Life

The day I met you I felt I knew you all my life.  There was something that surrounded you; it was a new-found hope I thought I left behind.  Of all our days, well, there is none I regret we’ve had.  With the hardships that were thrown at us we’ve learned there’s more to love when what is said is done.  You showed me that there’s more to life than living day to day.  You brought God back in my life and you helped me regain my faith.  Just understand I love you; understand I’ll never hurt you or our love.  I woke to my surprise, a sense of warmth that filled my soul.  I sat strumming on my guitar while my mouth sang words my heart had held within, and I cried.  You showed me that there’s more to life than living day to day.  You brought God back in my life and you helped me regain my faith.  Just understand I love you; understand I’ll never hurt you or our love.  There’s something that I have to do to let you know the changes in my life are from those words you said to me "There’s more to life than lonely days ahead."  Forever and always we’ll be what is meant when those words are said when a man’s not shy and says he loves his girl.  You showed me that there’s more to life than living day to day.  You brought God back in my life and you helped me regain my faith.  Just understand I love you; understand I’ll never hurt you or our love.


Can You Lend a Hand?

Lost my love, hope is gone.  I can't think without her here.  What can I do?  What can I do?  How to grow, I don't know.  Will I find someone else?  What can I do?  What can I do?  Can't you see I need help?  Can you lend a hand?  Take a step; forge a leap.  I sure hope I won't slip.  What can I do?  What can I do?  Can't you see I need help?  Can you lend a hand?  What's the use, where's my love?  I don't know what went wrong.  What can I do?  What can I do?  Can't you see I need help?  Can you lend a hand?




 
All songs written by Christopher E. Parkes, except *Lyrics written by Christopher E. Parkes & Tami L. Sega.
© Christopher E. Parkes & Tami L. Sega, All Rights Reserved.  Songs published by BMI.


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